Grief Articles

Transplantation
By Sue Holtkamp, Ph.D.

Transplanting human organs and tissues involves reverence for life. To be truly meaningful, this reverence must extend to the lives of the donor family members, as well as the life of the recipient. Many donor families tell me that the act of giving or enhancing life for a stranger has brought solace for their sorrow. The following comments place this poignant reality in perspective:

"Jeremy's death was the most devastating event in our lives. The pain is such that my husband and I are often at a loss to even describe our feelings. Yet, in the midst of this pain, there is solace that by the gift of donation three people live, and their families have been spared this suffering."

Donation doesn't eliminate pain. For Mary, however, it does offer a "unique solace." Listen… "At first, I thought I had made a mistake when I consented to my husband becoming a donor. Then I received a thank-you card from the heart recipient. My spirits soared. I knew without a doubt that I had done the right thing. The children wanted their dad to be a donor, but I wasn't sure. Then John, our oldest son, said, 'Mom, remember how much Dad loved nature? How much he would talk about how grateful he was that he could see all the beauties of nature?'

"'Wouldn't it be great,' chimed in our other son, 'for his eyes to help someone else see?'

"I am so proud of my sons for helping me 'see' what was so right for our family."

"Richard always said he wanted to donate anything he could when he died. 'That's the least I can do,' he said. He left his family very proud of him."

"David had been depressed for years. In the end, he chose not to live. We felt that by consenting to donation, his death would bring life to someone else. He would have liked that."

"The trauma unit was chaos; I was in chaos. The only thing that made sense to me was when someone asked if I wanted Tim to be a donor. I knew in a heartbeat that he would have said yes!"

"There was a great sense of comfort for us when we realized that Donnie could be a donor – that he died, yet in his dying, he helped others."

"We looked for something to write on Scott's headstone that would clearly define his generous, kind nature. We finally decided on this, Through the miracle of organ donation, his heart still beats somewhere in Tennessee."

"Organ and tissue donation don't take away the pain. Nothing can do that. What donation did for us was offer us a beautiful way to bring something of worth from our tragedy."

"My husband had often spoken of wanting to be a donor. He would give a stranger his last dollar; it just made sense that his last act would be 'giving'."

For me, there was a moral obligation to donate. My daughter was a loving and giving person. She died the way she had lived – giving.”

"Dad was worried that he wouldn't have much to leave us children. He was wrong. He left us countless examples of kindness and generosity. We shouldn't have been surprised that he wanted to be a donor. It was one more wonderful lesson."

"The single most comforting event surrounding Anna Grace's death was that she became an organ and tissue donor. When life was no longer an option for Anna Grace, donation offered us solace even in the midst of our grief."

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